Dearest Elliott,

Dearest Elliott, Today is your birthday and I intend to shower you with surprises, gifts, magic and mayhem – in typical Melissa fashion. You’d be 28 today and I can picture it perfectly. Your day would start with a morning Bud Light in the shower while you sing my most hated song, “Drinkin’ a beeeer […]

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Bagel Girl to Porn Star?

In the Bagel Industry, verbally abusiveΒ customersΒ are considered especially heinous. In San Francisco, the dedicated elevator operators who investigate these felonies are members of an elite squad known as the β€œVicious Vag Productions”. Here is my story. (🎢DUN DUN🎢) I was 19 years old and crying hysterically in an elevator the day I was propositioned to […]

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