All Hail The Holy Kale

Welcome to the United States of Kale, otherwise known as “The Land of the Leafy Green”, which is nowhere near free. Let’s take a moment to bow our heads in silence to pay tribute to The Golden State, Kaleafornia, for pulling the ultimate EUREKA! by resurrecting this prehistoric superfood and making it a staple of […]

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6 Minutes of Sarcasm & Sass

Dating in my teens and early 20’s was an absolute breeze. In fact, I was never single. I had several boyfriends beginning at age 14 up until half way through my 24th year of life. A solid decade of consistent, back-to-back boyfriends. I’m not talking about high school summer flings, dorm room friends-with-benefits, or honeymoon-phase […]

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Interview With Poseidon

I’m not someone that gets embarrassed very often. Not that I don’t do embarrassing things. I do embarrassing things 24 hours a day. But due to the frequency of my daily personal failings, I’ve learned how to own it. If someone were to ask me, “What was the most embarrassing moment of your life?” it’d […]

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Bumble, Don’t Kill My Vibe

After a series of unfortunate events, I’ve somehow found myself back in the cesspool of online dating. I’ve gone from Friday night sushi dinners with my best friend I so deeply loved, to swiping through an electronic pool of men I have absolutely zero interest in meeting. But here I am, swiping away in hopes […]

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Bagel Girl to Porn Star?

In the Bagel Industry, verbally abusive customers are considered especially heinous. In San Francisco, the dedicated elevator operators who investigate these felonies are members of an elite squad known as the “Vicious Vag Productions”. Here is my story. (🎶DUN DUN🎶) I was 19 years old and crying hysterically in an elevator the day I was propositioned to […]

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