Interview With Poseidon

I’m not someone that gets embarrassed very often. Not that I don’t do embarrassing things. I do embarrassing things 24 hours a day. But due to the frequency of my daily personal failings, I’ve learned how to own it. If someone were to ask me, “What was the most embarrassing moment of your life?” it’d […]

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Do You Even Box, Bro?

I like to eat. I like to drink. Combining those two qualities with my Hispanic genes often results in the inevitable “Fat Mexican Lady” destiny that’s been creeping in on my life since the day my metabolism stopped functioning at the age of 23. This is the same destined nightmare that continued to haunt my […]

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Bagel Girl to Porn Star?

In the Bagel Industry, verbally abusive customers are considered especially heinous. In San Francisco, the dedicated elevator operators who investigate these felonies are members of an elite squad known as the “Vicious Vag Productions”. Here is my story. (🎶DUN DUN🎶) I was 19 years old and crying hysterically in an elevator the day I was propositioned to […]

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Cupid Is Stupid

Valentine’s Day is huge. It’s huge in the sense that it’s one of those holidays that’s guaranteed to have some sort of an effect on you. It’s also one of those holidays that won’t always affect you the same way year after year. For instance, St. Patrick’s Day influences giggling pinches, a yearning for copious […]

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